A divorcé in Nigeria tells his sad story

Divorce remains a topic that isn’t really talked about in Nigeria. Hardly do we hear stories of divorce, especially from men, as society expects men to suppress their emotions and always appear strong. Unfortunately, this mindset has left countless individuals silently suffering, hoping for an outlet to share their pain.

Driven by a desire to break this unhealthy cycle, I went on a search for a Nigerian man who would bravely open up and share his story without shame. I finally found Femi whose experience made me go through a rollercoaster of emotions.

To all the men out there, you should never feel ashamed of your emotions. The notion that you must constantly be strong is a fallacy. Crying doesn’t does not make you weak; it simply means you’re brave enough to let your true feelings out.

I divorced my wife in 2021 and it’s been hell ever since.

I got married in my early 20s, and everyone around me warned me that I was rushing into marriage. But at that time, I was deeply in love with this girl, and I believed it was the right decision.

I knew she came from a well-to-do family but I didn’t bother to do much of a background check before we got married which was my mistake. I see that now. She was very intelligent and resourceful and everything seemed perfect in the beginning, until the day I made a grave mistake—I cheated on her while she was pregnant with our first child. We had not gotten married then.

Throughout her pregnancy, I continued to go out with different women. It was an unforgivable act and she was on the verge of leaving me. But I somehow managed to convince her to give our relationship another chance. We decided to get married in an attempt to salvage what was left of our love.

Unfortunately, my infidelity had left her scarred. She became incredibly paranoid and started to constantly check up on me. She suspected me of being unfaithful and followed me around, invading my privacy. She would sneak behind my back, check my phone, and monitor my every move.

Honestly, I was no saint. I admit that I was promiscuous, which made things between us even worse. It became a never-ending cycle of distrust, confrontation, and frustration.

Our marriage became a battleground. The fights were frequent and intense, and the neighbours would always hear our arguments. To escape the toxicity at home, I started spending more time outside, drowning my sorrows in alcohol. It felt like my own house had become a living hell. I would return drunk, which caused even more fights and conflicts.

It felt like our once-happy home had become a living nightmare. The was unbearable, and I finally reached a breaking point—I wanted a divorce. Little did I know that it was going to be a frying pan-to-fire situation.

I initiated the divorce having no idea about the complexities and challenges of the divorce process in Nigeria. To my surprise, I discovered that her father was a high-ranking prison warden, and obviously had connections. She used her family’s influence to get a powerful lawyer who followed the legal procedures, leaving no stone unturned.

During the divorce process, she aimed to take not just half, but everything I owned. They even attempted to seize my father’s inheritance, including the house left for me and my mum. In a desperate attempt to avoid this from happening, I swiftly transferred the property to my mother’s name.

But even with my efforts, she managed to take almost everything from me—our shared house, the car, and any other possessions I had accumulated over the years. The financial blow was devastating. On top of that, the court ordered me to bear the financial responsibility for our children’s upbringing and education. The burden was immense.

Since I got kicked out of our home and was left with close to nothing, I rented a one-room apartment in Lagos, struggling to make ends meet. On top of that, I was spending over 1 million naira each year just for the upkeep and education of our children. It left me with barely enough to support myself or even have enough to eat. Looking back now, I regret ever asking for a divorce. I regret cheating on my wife countless times. I wish I fought for her and our relationship. I wish I could take it all back and start afresh. I blame it all on myself.

Presently, I am doing my best to rebuild my life from scratch. It hasn’t been easy, but I refuse to let this problem define me. I work tirelessly, strive to make ends meet and provide a better future for myself and my children.

Life has been really tough.