Here are other five phrases you should avoid saying during an argument:
1. “You always’ or “you never”
Saying ‘always’ or ‘never’ is often an exaggerated statement, which can be misleading and potentially lead to defensiveness during a fight.
Instead of saying, “You never listen to me!” you could say, “I feel like I wasn’t heard when I was talking about [topic].” or “It bothers me when you interrupt me before I’m finished speaking.” This approach allows for a more productive conversation where you can communicate your needs and work towards a solution, rather than getting stuck in a cycle of blame and defensiveness.
2. “Why are you making such a big deal over nothing?”
Saying “you are making a big deal over nothing” is dismissive and invalidates the other person’s feelings. Instead, show understanding and ask for clarification. It demonstrates that you care about their perspective and want to hear them out.
3. My ex, mother, or sister don’t behave like that
Never compare your partner to another person, whether romantically or platonically. When you make sure statements, she reads them to mean you don’t like who she is and you would prefer the people you maintain. In other words, no one likes being compared to other people, so don’t do that.
4. “It is over!”
Instead of saying, “It is over!”, try saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we take a break and come back to this later, when we’ve both calmed down?“. Saying, “We’re done!” is hurtful and threatening, especially if you don’t mean it. Instead, take a temporary break, this allows you to cool down and approach the conversation with a clearer mind. Also, offer a timeline for revisiting the issue. This demonstrates maturity and respect for the other person’s feelings.
5. “You’re such a @#$%&!”
Avoid insults, name-calling, and derogatory language. They are never productive and only serve to escalate the situation. Instead, say, “That behaviour is disrespectful and hurtful. I need you to” Focus on the behaviour instead of attacking the person; address the specific behaviour that is bothering you. Then, communicate your needs and clearly state what you expect and need from the other person to move forward in a respectful and constructive manner.
Fighting is stressful, but sometimes it just helps you understand your partner better. Avoiding, cutting off arguments and using negative language can escalate the situation and make it worse.
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